The Battle of Self Confidence and Stereotype

Women used to be Queens and Rulers of Matriarchal Societies, Medicine Women and Warriors. Today we are Good Girls, Superwomen, Trophy Wives or a Bitch. Today's women are more likely than men to underestimate their mental capacities, down play their successes and take less credit for their own contributions. In general women never allow themselves to find out what they are fully capable of or have a sense of their power but are unwilling to assert it for fear of being labeled. It has been shown women have less self confidence than men and that confidence counts toward success as much as competence does. Where in the shift from Ruler to ruled by stereotypes did we lose ourselves, our self confidence and our power and exactly WHO is perpetuating women's stereotypes? It's easy to blame society for our fall from grace. There's the pressures to act like a lady. The image in media and Hollywood of the perfect body. Pinterest, blogs and social media portrayals of the perfect life and family, being able do it all and with a smile. A woman's personal power and self confidence is constantly undermined by stereotypes and those who break from the norm face criticism not only from society, but especially from their own ranks. Even the thesaurus defines weakness using feminine words like effeminate and womanly. Society's influence on women begins at an early age and even though women and attitudes toward women have been liberated our actions still speak otherwise. OUR actions. Those of women. Not Men's or Societies but OURS. Are women really to blame for our own stereotypes? Women are both victims and co-conspirators. After a child is born there is an announcement. "It's a girl!" Immediately she is labeled and hitched with the roles and responsibilities of a girl. She is dressed in pink and given a doll, that we can say is society. However, it then becomes a question of nature vs. nurture. That sweet little girl is most likely raised by a woman and carefully observes Mommy in her role. Mommy is a woman, Mommy is the caregiver. Woman = Caregiver. Fast forward through more pink and more dolls; being told to act like a lady and stay out of the mud and being coddled and comforted when she is emotional. In school she'll see other girls doing "girl" things. Her likes and dislikes are dictated by gender roles before she even knows what gender roles are. No one said it was wrong for her to like cars but none of the other girls liked them. Already she is conditioned with stereotypes she didn't choose but were given to her from another woman. This girl now becomes a woman. She is ready to take on the world. Her inner voice booms, but she hesitates because she was always told to keep her voice down. Her self-confidence falters. She wants to be a good girl. To do what she is told, to not make too much "noise". She wants to be her true authentic self but she was told there are certain things she must be and do to be good and so she holds back. Doubt creeps in. She becomes less of who she truly is and more of who she's been told to be. She becomes less confident in herself and trusting her inner voice. In time she stops hearing her inner voice all together. Her stereotypes are reinforced and unless she meets another woman who is challenging the norm, they perpetuate without counter. In the battle between her self confidence and her stereotypes, her self confidence suffers another loss. Fast forward again to her first career. The cattiness in the office. Women competing with other woman. If a woman exerts her power she is labeled a Bitch. Another woman finds success in manipulation or playing a victim that needs saving. Both of these women may reject the part of themselves that is strong and powerful. Thus growing further and further away from her true self confidence and authentic self. Another loss in the battle of self confidence vs. stereotype. Women may feel the most loss of self confidence in the battle of the perfect body. There is an on going message heard loud and clear. A woman's worth is tied to her physical appearance. Women's magazines written by women for women portraying the air-brushed ideal. An impossible image women work tirelessly to achieve. She's got the perfect body, now she's been conditioned to get a man. At this time she may find herself in a relationship. The future holds marriage and the decision to have kids or a career or both. Her husband has found himself a Trophy Wife and she falls right in step. She marches further and further from her true self. With the kids and/or the career she is exposed to the Superwoman stereotype. This may be the final blow to her self confidence and true self. The Superwoman sets the impossible standard for everything from body image to homemaking to professional success. It includes all areas of a woman's life. In our liberation we were told we can have it all. We believe this. We have these expectations, and we lead other women to believe we are actually succeeding. In reality, Superwoman is just a comic book character. However, the failure to be everything to everyone is a huge battle lost. Is there any hope for a woman's true self confidence? When the underdog wins they call it a Cinderella Story. This may be one instance where being associated with Cinderella is a positive. Not only do women need to have an awareness of the limiting effects of stereotypes, they need to take actions against perpetuating them. No one has the power to make us less than who we are. Only we can give away our power or let someone take it from us. Stereotypes limit our potential. We can free ourselves by seeing them as interesting perspectives. Simply stories told by other women, not OUR story. When we write our own story self confidence wins. A woman is no longer ruled, she again takes her rightful place as Ruler.